self discovery and a call for help

Why are we nervous around certain people? Why is it we are sometime anxious when we tell a person that we want to go out with them or like them? We are all just people. In the end we are just people.

I have been dealing with this issue for a while with being able to show my true feelings towards people. I put on an outward act to hide the real person inside of me. Recently I was talking to this nice girl whom I work with and was going along nice and I found her interesting. I want to ask her for her number and see if she wanted to hang out but I wasn’t able to. Some how, when came to do that, I failed.

When I look back on it, I was afraid. Afraid of rejection is what I told my self, but that wasn’t it. I believe it was fear that she would say yes. That I what I believe I was really afraid of. Afraid of letting someone in to my life and change it irrevocably. That I my biggest fear in that situation because most of my one on one encounters in life are that of an arms length biases. I joke, I kid, I make of handed comments and use a lot of sarcasm, but rarely I let my self be exposed to anyone. I put on a thick skin. I think this is because of my past life experiences.

Now that I am able to see what the problem is how am I going to over come it. That is the big problem. How do you fix something that is broke when the thing that is broke is will power fear and confidence? How do you let your self be exposed when you spend most of your time keeping that part of you; that deep part way down inside; from the world. Can you put fear and apprehension aside and jump in to the deep end of the emotional pool, or start in the kiddies’ end and work your way in? Also, how do you start in the kiddies’ end? These are all questions I am pondering.

Please help

A respons to a blog of a friend of mine (expounded)

This was in to responce of a friends blog who was questioning the existance of god and who is going through some tough time. find it here ( has since been deleted )



Because, God as we call it, was developed by man. In My opinion. I look at the whole God situation as a development of the human mind made out our deep spring and feeling of hope. We want to god to be there because we want to feel safe. With knowing that there is a big man in the sky that will watch over you and protect you from harm is an illogical assumption that we all make. It is proven by the saying that god loves us all. But if that is true then why does he let there be famine and illness and cancer and such. If there was a god that loved us and wanted us to be happy then why where there such things as the holocaust and 9/11. If god loved us then he would protect us from that wouldn't he. But then the believers say, "Oh, that's just God's will." So it is God's Will to kill us and maim us and send massive amount of people to their deaths for his sheer enjoyment. They say it is to make a challenge for us to over come. Bull. Things happen for no other reason that things happen. If I were to get in my car right now and get into an accident. It isn't Gods will that it happened. It just happens.

I would also like to add a few other views on people who are religion pushers. These people are the people who you meet in life (and you know who they are) who want to push there beliefs and views on to you. These people can mainly be found on college campuses and other mass gatherings of people. I have thought about what to say about these people for a long time and have finally come up with the most logical comparison. They are like drug dealers.

Now I know that you are thinking that I am out of my mind but think about what a drug dealer does. He is always pressuring you in to trying it just once claiming that you will like it and that. When you try to tell them how drugs will hurt you (or try to tell them your interpolation of the bible or views on religion and spirituality) you are always wrong and try to talk over or louder thinking that will give them the edge in the conversation or just stop talking to you all together. Then they get you with the peer pressure. They tell you about how others are doing it and how they have found "a higher spiritual plane of enlightenment."

The one thing they have over the drug dealer is that if you get caught doing drugs you can go to jail or fined, if you do have religion or go to church than you are going to go to hell. I love it. They want to say that their god is all powerful and loving but you need to worship him or you'll be punished. It sounds like someone with a self centered egomaniac complex. Is their god really that conceited that he would do that?

Now he is the 64000 dollar question. If he is the almighty god and is the one and only god, they what about other religions, are their gods any less mighty or any less benevolent. I mean come on, if there is an afterlife do you think that someone is going to a different god or a different plane of existence, or according to some pushers, they burn in hell. So you god is so hateful that he would put some one in hell for being brain washed at birth like your followers are here, and unable to form an independent thought outside of religion or lack the mental fortitude to question it, they cast them right in the pit of fire. That is kind of ignorant to think guys. Its the kind of things that start wars.......

I say that we know nothing about what happens next and we should all just chill the fuck out. So I will leave you with this. Believe in what you want to believe. Just remember it is what you feel in your heart and the ideas in your head about your life that are going to shape and guild you in all your event and endeavors in this world.