Thursday, September 14, 2006

self discovery and a call for help

Why are we nervous around certain people? Why is it we are sometime anxious when we tell a person that we want to go out with them or like them? We are all just people. In the end we are just people.

I have been dealing with this issue for a while with being able to show my true feelings towards people. I put on an outward act to hide the real person inside of me. Recently I was talking to this nice girl whom I work with and was going along nice and I found her interesting. I want to ask her for her number and see if she wanted to hang out but I wasn’t able to. Some how, when came to do that, I failed.

When I look back on it, I was afraid. Afraid of rejection is what I told my self, but that wasn’t it. I believe it was fear that she would say yes. That I what I believe I was really afraid of. Afraid of letting someone in to my life and change it irrevocably. That I my biggest fear in that situation because most of my one on one encounters in life are that of an arms length biases. I joke, I kid, I make of handed comments and use a lot of sarcasm, but rarely I let my self be exposed to anyone. I put on a thick skin. I think this is because of my past life experiences.

Now that I am able to see what the problem is how am I going to over come it. That is the big problem. How do you fix something that is broke when the thing that is broke is will power fear and confidence? How do you let your self be exposed when you spend most of your time keeping that part of you; that deep part way down inside; from the world. Can you put fear and apprehension aside and jump in to the deep end of the emotional pool, or start in the kiddies’ end and work your way in? Also, how do you start in the kiddies’ end? These are all questions I am pondering.

Please help

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