well folk. this world is fucked up

Today I was reading the news on what is going on in the world today and have come to the realization that our country fears it citizens and are trying everything to keep us down. They have just passed a law in the house and the senate that would let us pick up any person, who is suspected of being a terrorist, arrests them, detain them with out trial, and execute them with out a trial. The worse thing about this law, it doesn't exclude citizens from this bill. If any one is arrested the can detain you with cause and trial if they feel like it....This, with the home land security bill past in 2002 and the restrictions put on us by the airlines about what you can and cannot bring on the plane.

In major cities now you can’t smoke anywhere in the cities. In New York City, the people who got smoking band from restaurants and 50 feet in front of any public buildings, now they are trying to pass legestration that will outlaw all restaurants to use grease that have trans-fatty acids in it. This is outrageous of them to do this. They are saying that they are right for doing this because they are sighting findings that in the three years that smoking has been banned that the health of the average New Yorker has gotten better. But the thing of it is that smoking can affect everyone because smoke goes everywhere, when you eat though you are the only one who is being harmed. You know that you are eating this food. It is your responsibility to for your own body. You should know that this is what you are eating.

This world is going to hell in a hand basket if shit like this gets enacted in to law. If they keep pushing us around like this in like they better be ready for the people to push back. But you know by me posting this the government can arrest me and through me in jail and be never heard from again…. Great ….

self discovery and a call for help

Why are we nervous around certain people? Why is it we are sometime anxious when we tell a person that we want to go out with them or like them? We are all just people. In the end we are just people.

I have been dealing with this issue for a while with being able to show my true feelings towards people. I put on an outward act to hide the real person inside of me. Recently I was talking to this nice girl whom I work with and was going along nice and I found her interesting. I want to ask her for her number and see if she wanted to hang out but I wasn’t able to. Some how, when came to do that, I failed.

When I look back on it, I was afraid. Afraid of rejection is what I told my self, but that wasn’t it. I believe it was fear that she would say yes. That I what I believe I was really afraid of. Afraid of letting someone in to my life and change it irrevocably. That I my biggest fear in that situation because most of my one on one encounters in life are that of an arms length biases. I joke, I kid, I make of handed comments and use a lot of sarcasm, but rarely I let my self be exposed to anyone. I put on a thick skin. I think this is because of my past life experiences.

Now that I am able to see what the problem is how am I going to over come it. That is the big problem. How do you fix something that is broke when the thing that is broke is will power fear and confidence? How do you let your self be exposed when you spend most of your time keeping that part of you; that deep part way down inside; from the world. Can you put fear and apprehension aside and jump in to the deep end of the emotional pool, or start in the kiddies’ end and work your way in? Also, how do you start in the kiddies’ end? These are all questions I am pondering.

Please help

A respons to a blog of a friend of mine (expounded)

This was in to responce of a friends blog who was questioning the existance of god and who is going through some tough time. find it here ( has since been deleted )



Because, God as we call it, was developed by man. In My opinion. I look at the whole God situation as a development of the human mind made out our deep spring and feeling of hope. We want to god to be there because we want to feel safe. With knowing that there is a big man in the sky that will watch over you and protect you from harm is an illogical assumption that we all make. It is proven by the saying that god loves us all. But if that is true then why does he let there be famine and illness and cancer and such. If there was a god that loved us and wanted us to be happy then why where there such things as the holocaust and 9/11. If god loved us then he would protect us from that wouldn't he. But then the believers say, "Oh, that's just God's will." So it is God's Will to kill us and maim us and send massive amount of people to their deaths for his sheer enjoyment. They say it is to make a challenge for us to over come. Bull. Things happen for no other reason that things happen. If I were to get in my car right now and get into an accident. It isn't Gods will that it happened. It just happens.

I would also like to add a few other views on people who are religion pushers. These people are the people who you meet in life (and you know who they are) who want to push there beliefs and views on to you. These people can mainly be found on college campuses and other mass gatherings of people. I have thought about what to say about these people for a long time and have finally come up with the most logical comparison. They are like drug dealers.

Now I know that you are thinking that I am out of my mind but think about what a drug dealer does. He is always pressuring you in to trying it just once claiming that you will like it and that. When you try to tell them how drugs will hurt you (or try to tell them your interpolation of the bible or views on religion and spirituality) you are always wrong and try to talk over or louder thinking that will give them the edge in the conversation or just stop talking to you all together. Then they get you with the peer pressure. They tell you about how others are doing it and how they have found "a higher spiritual plane of enlightenment."

The one thing they have over the drug dealer is that if you get caught doing drugs you can go to jail or fined, if you do have religion or go to church than you are going to go to hell. I love it. They want to say that their god is all powerful and loving but you need to worship him or you'll be punished. It sounds like someone with a self centered egomaniac complex. Is their god really that conceited that he would do that?

Now he is the 64000 dollar question. If he is the almighty god and is the one and only god, they what about other religions, are their gods any less mighty or any less benevolent. I mean come on, if there is an afterlife do you think that someone is going to a different god or a different plane of existence, or according to some pushers, they burn in hell. So you god is so hateful that he would put some one in hell for being brain washed at birth like your followers are here, and unable to form an independent thought outside of religion or lack the mental fortitude to question it, they cast them right in the pit of fire. That is kind of ignorant to think guys. Its the kind of things that start wars.......

I say that we know nothing about what happens next and we should all just chill the fuck out. So I will leave you with this. Believe in what you want to believe. Just remember it is what you feel in your heart and the ideas in your head about your life that are going to shape and guild you in all your event and endeavors in this world.

Some good news

Well Folks, It is Friday and it’s 1131pm est. And I am on here. Well not all of us can have lives. But things are looking up. Today was very busy.



First I have to give you a back story. On the 5th I had an interview with a company called Edgepark Surgical. It was about a 90 minute interview and went very good but I thought that they would never call me back because of my lack of experience.



I got a call from them on Wednesday and today I went to a follow up interview that went pretty good too. They said they will let me know. Well later on I had an interview with a company called West Technologies. They are kind of like the place I worked at before, High call volume low pay.



So I am going to work at West for now. I hope that Edgepark Surgical calls because It seems to be a better job and a place where I can get things back to normal and get on track.



It has been a long struggle this past month and a half. I moved from Columbus to Cleveland and live with my aunt and had to go back home to Youngtown to get a job. Life is strange. When you think that everything is going great and you just start to relax if throws you a curve ball. It keeps you on your game.



I wonder what it will throw at me next.

Now in Cleveland

Well folks, I have moved to Cleveland and everything is going fine. I got moved in and now on the Job hunt. I hope that I will be able to find something up here doing some kind of tech support. I have been having hard time trying to find my stuff from the move. Oh well.

I will give you guys more updates as they come.

My Birthday Thoughts

Well Folks I has been another year. I am another year older, another year wiser. I feel the same as I did yesterday but I sit and I reflect back on what I can add to my life experience.



1.) People are assholes. On every level. I have found in the Tech support field is that the more degrees and titles some one achieves in life the dumber they become when it comes to simple things and problem solving. I have talked too on numerous occasion that Doctors, Lawyers and other professionals have no clue on to what a computer is or how to follow basic instructions to help them.



2.) Living on my own is a bitch. I have gone from having some money and having nothing in days from my fucking truck breaking down.



3.) Some People can't take a joke. You people know who you are. Get over your self. Nobody likes a party pooper. You are all out of your minds. Comeback to earth.



4.) The older I get the more alcohol I can consume. Nuff said.



5.) The older, the more I come to realization that Life is short and I need to get on track. We all need to change our own lives to the way that we want it. And I have heard a great quote from a man who lived 100 years ago. "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910). We all need to keep this in mind when we start to bitch about the world.



There are some other things that I have thought of but these are the big five. Let me know what you think.

My life in Columbus as of 4-25-2006

Well as some of you know I am a big Tribe fan and trying to write this between innings. It is an old match up between Cleveland and Boston. They have played each other over a thousand times. It goes back to 1897.



As you all know I currently work at Nationwide Insurance doing IT support. It has been part-time for now. I had a great interview at a place called Cardinal Health. I am hoping to get in there because one of my best friends here in C-bus works there. I hope he puts a good word in for me but I don't think I need it because I usually give a great interview. I am going to find out tomorrow.



For money I have been trying my hand at selling stuff at flea markets for my mom. I have been setting up shop at the one on west broad street right before 270. I am selling ribbon and scrap booking supplies. I feel kind of gay but I need the money. I am also trying to get my own vendors license so I can sell advertising on my webpage www.reasontodie.com.



Life has pretty much sucked though for the last four months since I got fired from Calltech. You all know that story. I am counting down the months until the lease is up here and I can move out and up to Cleveland, the city that I love. I can't wait to go there. I have family up there. I am closer to home. My two favorite teams are in Cleveland, The Browns and the Indians. Plus my long time friend Matt Wilkes. We go way back all the way to sixth grade. I hope maybe I can get a job up there for like National City, or medical mutual tech support because everyone has computer problems. When I first move up there I am going to be staying with my Aunt Brenda for a while.



But that is a few months away.

Star Wars

I am one of the biggest Star Wars Fans in the world. But please George, give it a rest. You have totally fucked up the series from all of your bad plot lines and changing the entire premise of the story.

Here is a list of how Lucas has Fucked up:

1.) The force went from Spiritual to a Medical condition. Yes, midichlorians. Good fucking job. You ruin the force as a part of the spiritual realm by giving it a scientific and medical explanation. Good Job.

2.) Darth Vader and Misses Robinson. Did any body get that Anakin was ten years younger than Padame in the first episode and then ten years later they are the same age.

3.) Piss Poor Story telling. Episode One should of had introduced Anakin as a teenager and they should have started the clone wars in the first episode. Episode 2 should have been all clone wars and the development of Anakin and the introduction of Padame. Also, this is were they should have showed him starting to turn, which he did do with the Sand People, but could have done better say he destroy an entire planet to smash the separatist from the order of the Palpatine. Then he would be removed from major conflict to learn under Palpatine and make the turn more dramatic. Which leads to number 4.

4.) Anakin's decent to the dark side was way too fast. So all it takes to turn some one to the dark side is to make him think that his wife is going to die and get him to kill the head Jedi in a moment of weakness. As I said above, they should have made Anakin start to turn way earlier in the series so when it comes to the time for his final act to push him over the edge it is more believe able. To turn him over the edge I would have had him come up from behind Mace and stab him through the heart instead of yelling and chopping off his hand. It would have been a colder and darker moment. Then Have him accept what he did and make him realize that he has embraced the dark side instead of making him cry like a bitch.

5.) Finally the worst thing I think Lucas did was make Jar Jar Binks. At this point in this post it is purely superficial, but who else wished he would have been ran over and killing when he appeared in the episode 1. I for one did. Even worse is that George stung his ass along and made him responsible for the clone wars starting. With his famous opening My Dellow Felegates.

Perhaps I am just babbling on here but I needed to get this off of my chest when I heard that the TV show was actually going to happen. I pray to Yoda himself that George doesn't write a word in this series and that it stays on track with episode 4.

Now Discuss.......

2 am

Well Guys it is 2 A.M and I have to be up in four hours for work. Well I guess I am not going to get any sleep tonight. The only thing worth watching is Mel Brook's History of the World Vol1. I don't mean that in a bad way, but I have seen it about 30 times and can almost recite it from memory.

Any ways I hate being up so late knowing that I have to go to work tomarrow. I guess this is what I get for being sick. I have gotten past the up chucking but still have linguring effects. I wish everything would return to normal.

Tomarrow is going to be a hell of a day. I have to work from 9-1 and then go to time warner for an inter view at 230. I am going to be dog tired come the end of the day.

On a lighter note, I hope to buy a dog soon. Mans best friend. It is pretty lonely in my apartment and it would be great to get a dog. I am thinking about getting someting like a sheppard or something along those lines. It will be great.

remember to check out my web site www.reasontodie.com.

Doing good

Well guys I got a new job through TEKsystems with a great company called Nationwide IT tech support. For all of you Calltechers who are still working for them, I suggest to you to call TEKsystems and try to get your self out of Calltech because for all the responsibilities that you have there you would all be getting paid 3-4 times more that what you are now. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN. I will say this to you all.

That is all I have to say for now


Later

visit my forums at reasontodie.com

Job searching

Life is a weird place. No one values hands on skill.


I recently had an interview with a staffing company for an IT consultant/ analyst position. The interview was going good. We where having a great conversation about what I have done and where I have worked. It was one of the best interviews I have ever gone through.


At about the end of the interview he said that I need to take a test on Windows 2000 and Windows XP, Operating Systems. I was a little taken aback. A surprise test. I was like okay lets do it, not to show a reservations about it. He said that there is a curve. Just take you time and let me know when you are done.


I went to go take this test. It found it to rather frustrating at times with its all of the above answers. I knew the correct answer of what works all the time on the commands but didn’t know the back up answers. Let me give you an example.


One question was "How do you bring up task manager.”The answers where 1) CTRL+ALT+ DELETE 2)CTRL+SHIFT+ESCAPE 3)A way through control panel 4)
All of the above.


I answered 1, because of two reasons. I wasn’t sure of 3 because I have never had to go through that way, and I know that 1 will always get you to where you need to be for if.


I got the question wrong


There were many of these questions. When it was all said and done I got a 36% of XP and 56% on 2000. They were both 10% under the average. I was like It was just a test and I nailed the advanced portions on the test. The interviewer said yes but the people he was going to give my application to wanted intermediate level employees.


So now I talk to my friends who he got jobs for all had lower scores that I had. Now I am not sure why the recruiter said that to me. If this was actual requirement then how did my friends get jobs the place he was recruiting for? So I am snubbed again.


When will the world get off of their test = performance rationale. This is one of things that I think are holding us back in today’s society.