Saturday, January 17, 2009
So it dawned on me that this being paralyzed thing is going to be permanent. I have thought about it, but in the back of my head I have always thought that I would walk again. But I cam to this harsh realization that I am going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life. It hit me as I was watching my shadow as I wheeled down the all after getting some coffee from the machine. I seen it and then looked at myself and thought, “I am in a wheelchair, and it isn't going to change.” It felt life to this point is over and that I am now a cripple. I know I have said it to people before but I was using it as a joke, but really, I am a cripple. Even if I do get braces for my legs and can hobble with them a little. I am still going to need the chair a lot and I am still going to be a cripple. It has been hard to deal with for the last couple of days, it is a very large and life changing idea to wrap your head around. I am going to be paralyzed for the rest of my life, how am I just supposed to accept that. I guess up till now I haven't. But I am. I am going to be paralyzed the rest of my life.