I Wake Up In the Morning

Mornings suck. I hate the morning. What it means is a lot of rolling around. I have to roll from side to side to pull my shorts up and get them right. Then slide my catheter through the leg on one side. Then I have to put the bed up to swing my legs over by hand over the side of the bed. Then I have to slide into the chair with the slide board. This usually messes up my shorts and a little pee comes out. That is why I have to wear a diaper. They call them "wings" here, but a spade is a spade. It is a diaper. Sometimes it doesn't get it all either and it gets on my shorts. Then I have to readjust but it doesn't always look right. Next we have to put my legs together. This means putting the protective boots on and then the leg rest and then towels for my knees so I do not cut into them again and cause more wounds. Then it's put the catheter in the bag and grab my stuff and I am on the go. On the go....

On the go to therapy during the week. Nowhere on the weekends. Most of the time it feels like I am going nowhere and in a hurry. Just once I would like to stand up and put my pants on, wear a pair of shoes. Not have to roll around all day with twisted piss ridden clothes. Most people here say, “Oh, it's nothing. It happens other people all the time.” Well it has never happened to me before and it hurts – a lot. Sometime when I really wet my self I fell like breaking down and just...... I don't know. Let us just say it isn't pretty nor appropriate to put on here.

Some mornings it takes an hour to get ready, sometimes longer. It all depends on pain and mood. Sometimes I just want to lay there and just cry. To think, that this is going to be the way I am going to have to go through life for the rest of my life. It is really hard to handle that. But I hold back the tears. I dry my eyes and blow my nose and I go on. For no other reason than I have nothing else better to do right now than to jump through hoops and go to therapy that just somedays I feel isn't going anywhere.

Harsh Realities

So it dawned on me that this being paralyzed thing is going to be permanent. I have thought about it, but in the back of my head I have always thought that I would walk again. But I cam to this harsh realization that I am going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life. It hit me as I was watching my shadow as I wheeled down the all after getting some coffee from the machine. I seen it and then looked at myself and thought, “I am in a wheelchair, and it isn't going to change.” It felt life to this point is over and that I am now a cripple. I know I have said it to people before but I was using it as a joke, but really, I am a cripple. Even if I do get braces for my legs and can hobble with them a little. I am still going to need the chair a lot and I am still going to be a cripple. It has been hard to deal with for the last couple of days, it is a very large and life changing idea to wrap your head around. I am going to be paralyzed for the rest of my life, how am I just supposed to accept that. I guess up till now I haven't. But I am. I am going to be paralyzed the rest of my life.

Parallel Worlds

In one of the ideas of parallel universes, there is a universe for every decision that you do or do not make. Also, there is is a dimension where everything is the opposite to what you are today. That when something bad happens to you here in this dimension, something good happen in the other one. If this is true, then the Ralph in the other dimension that is getting all the good stuff better enjoy all the misery that I am going through because it is driving me out of my mind. I just want to see what his life is like for the day, just to see what I am missing out on.

What America Is To Me

What do you think America is?

How would define what America is? Is it the freedoms that we enjoy that other countries don't. Is it your freedom to speak your mind, worship the God you want, the freedom of the press to bring you the news of your country with out the pressure of the government telling them what to tell you. Is it your right to bare arms. Your right to personal protection of self and property. Is it the right to protect you against illegal search and seizure. The right to be innocent before being proven guilty. The right not to make your self guilty and to be tried in an open court by a jury of your peers, also the right to face your accuser. It is also reassuring to know that the punishment shall fit the crime and the is no cruel and unusual punishment. These are the rights prescribed by the Bill of Rights. Probably one of the most nation-shaping document next to the Constitution.

But what else makes America, America? Is it the you can go from being a low level income family to being college professor. That opportunity is out there for you to just wake up and grab. Look at what some people where able to do with the opportunity that was given to them.

There was Dave Thomas. He was born to adopted parents in Atlantic City, New Jersey. He never met his real parents. He worked in the restaurant business from the age of 12. He then went into the Army where he went to cooks and bakers school. Upon discharge he was given the opportunity to turn around a failing KFC. He did and caught the attention of Col. Sanders. With him, Thomas revamped the menu and help the revolutionized the fast food industry.

From there he went and founded Wendy's in Columbus, Ohio. It is now the third largest chain in the world be hind McDonald's and Burger King with 6,700 locations. All this from a high school dropout. Dave Thomas died Jan. 8, 2002.

Another master of opportunity is that of Bill Gates. I think we all know his story from Harvard drop out to founder of the most used operating system for computers on the planet. He revolutionized the operating system process and sold it to the masses. He also introduce the notion of licensing software to make money for software writers.

There are millions of others who have come from all other walks of lives to make themselves more than what they were. But is that all that makes America, America?

Is what makes America, America, is that we get to vote for our leaders. They are not permanently imposed on us, or under the guise of a dictatorship or socialist/communistic rule. We have open, public elections, in which now those who meet the minimum standards of being 18 years old, a registered citizen and not committed a felony and still under probation of see your parole officer. Though it wasn't ways like this. It was first just land owner who were white and over 21. It wasn't till we had the Civil War that blacks were allowed to vote. Then came the direct voting for Senators in 1913. Women didn't obtain the right to vote until 1920. Finally the age was lowered to 18 in 1971. As you can see, our voting history may not have been the fairest to the people in sense that some were excluded for so long, but the process, the electoral college is maybe the fairest and most argued process out there.

What the Electoral College is, is an indirect election. In elections, the college has pledge to place the electorates that state has for the popular choice in the general election. They don't have too. The Electoral College can vote for whom ever they want, but as stated, the pledge to vote the way of the people. There are many argument for and against the college, that we should use a direct popular vote. That it give too much clout to swing states. Those for the college state that it is the only fair way to do it because it give equal weight based on the population of a state. Without the college, most elections could be won with just campaigning in California, New York, Texas, Illinois, and Florida. There are many more arguments for and against, and we have all been over them and that is the great thing about America, is that we can question out leaders. If we don't like what they are doing we can elect someone else next time, and if they are doing are really horrendous job we can call for impeachment of for recall.

America is also a place where ideas can flow like a river in our free public school system and our colleges and universities. People from all over the world come here to learn. A great many of us take out educations here for granted and don't appreciate what we have here. Places of higher learning were we can go and advance ourselves. We have the best schools for engineering, law, medicine, computer science, and so on and so forth. Most of our schools are even state funded and there are grants, loans and scholarship of all kind available out there. We just have to have the will and the want to go look for them. If we only put forth the effort that foreigners do when they are in our education system then we wouldn't need a “No Child Left Behind” programs.

Let us not forget that America has its own dark chapters. The biggest and perhaps still prevailing is the civil rights issue. Though great strides this past year, as a black man has risen to the highest office in all the land. Still there is a great divide in this country. Then there is the treatment of the original Americans. We have persecuted, hunted, cheated and abused the rights of the Native American. No sin is greater than that. There has been many growing pains in America and not all of them have ended well. We have fought and scraped and even try to kill our selves from the inside-out with the Civil War. Perhaps we shall all have a time to fight in this country, let us hope it is not with each other again.

But for every evil dark time, there has been a gleaming ray of hope. The birth of the nation from upstarts who would not be controlled from a king 3000 miles away, and a founding President who took the title with the notion that he would set it aside and let other be elected to lead and no one shall ever rule this land. To a unified country that referred to it self as the The United States and the bulwarks of a government of, by and for the people remained intact. The creation of manned flight by the Wright brothers to Charles Lindberg's Atlantic trip. From John Glenn and Alan B. Shepard in there short space journeys to Neil saying “One step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Tl the invention of the microchip and the advent of Moore's law. We have either been the first in something or have done it the best.

America to me is all these things an more. More than I could express in any Online Blog, message forum or in any number of volumes of book if I were to ever write so much. America as I can best sum up is an idea of freedom and the good and the bad that goes with it. It will never be perfect. Nothing of man ever is. But it is the closest to the fairest and most revered. By the grace of any god that you may ascribe to or to which believe you have faith in, may it watch over the United States of America.

Now what do you think America is to you?

Normal

Normal, what is it, and what does it mean to us? It is a question that I was posed with today while in conversation with someone who is in the same boat as me. Paraplegia. We were talking about things that I am going through because I am new at this and she has been dealing with it since she could remember. I was talking about these new braces that were robotic. They are still in the prototype/research stage and the company is still not mass marketing them, but I was so hyped that something like that was out there and that it was possible that one day I could have them and I could walk. I could get back to "normal."

I was telling her about these things, and she was like, "that's so cool. Maybe when they come out you can walk and be normal again. I'm not going to. I am done with that stuff."

I was like okay. Then she went on.

"Normal for me is living in the chair and everything. I have been doing it since I can remember. I never did walk like, so the chair is normal. 'Normal' for you is walking around and doing things. For me it is the chair and I am cool with it."

I wasn't sure how to react. First I was like, don't you want to be like everyone else and normal. That probably the pig headed part of me coming out. Then I thought about what she said. She had gotten used to this life, and she could see that I still haven't let go of what my life once was. That I was looking at these braces as a way back to normality.

So I guess when you look at "normal," it depends on where your normal is coming from. It is normal for a person who works in the coal mine who is living paycheck to paycheck to exist in that life. If you put someone like Paris Hilton in a situation where she has no money like she does and help in life like she does and she had to sink or swim, we can all see the brick sinking to the bottom of the pool. She would be crying, loudly at that too, to have everything go back to normal.

I guess everything is perception.

I See Life In Algorithms

As I go through life, I am confronted in many different situations. Most of them are simple and come to a quick and easy solution. Some are more complex. When this happens I run the who thing through an algorithm. An algorithm, as defined by Merriam-Webster Online, is defined as a step-by-step procedure for solving a problem or accomplishing some end especially by a computer. I'll sit there and break down every decision and every choice and reaction that might happen. This is what usually helps keep me out of trouble but it usually ends up with the safe answer of not doing anything and avoiding people or situations.

Here is an example:

I had a chance to go to Walt Disney World in Florida one summer as an intern for school. I singed up and got accepted. It was going to pay minimum wage and have my room and board taken directly out of my pay check. While I was there I would be in monorail operations and attend classes. They had buses to take you to town if you needed things and you lived 4-8 to a suite. With all that described, I ultimately didn't go. It was based on three parts, one was on getting down there, second were the bills that I had accumulated at the time and had to be paid, and general felling of how would people accept me down there.

Let us take part one, getting down there. The first option, and the one I was rooting for was, was driving my car driving down there. With that came the following issues. One is gas money, the cost to get there and back and to run around down there. Two, maintenance and break downs. Back then I would have my father and I fix my car, being that far away, it wouldn't be feasible. What if it is stolen? What if it is Damaged? Etc. So, what other ways to get down there. We could fly. Well you would have to plan two one way tickets there and back. The second you would have to plan while you are there because you could be asked to stay on for a second semester. Well then there is the price. They aren't cheap. Would I have enough saved to pay for the second ticket home. Plus how would I get from the airport to Disney. Take a taxi, that would be a fortune. Try to figure out the bus schedule. There are still a lot of variables, but the main one is the money issue, especially for the return trip. This all leads in to bills that need to be paid.

The second main thing holding me back from going to Disney was that of the large amount of bills I had accumulated in my brief but expensive life so far. I was about 20,000 dollars in debt at the time and was barely making the minimum payments for the bills. I racked up all this debt from living with my then fiancée. It was from the both of us living on credit cards and trying to live together without money management. If I only knew then what I know now. I eventually filed for bankruptcy. This is a major NO is the Disney quest that I was on. There would been no way for me to be able to keep up with my bills with being there and everything. I needed my job as a pizza delivery driver to get by. It was a hard money management lesson I had to learn.

The third reason is a more personal reason and has to do with me self esteem. I thought that I wouldn't be able to get along with the roommate that I would have because of a few factors. One, I am not the most organized person in the world. I am organized through chaos. But a lot of guys my age are like that so that may not have been as big of an issue at I thought. Secondly would be my biggest hurdle, and that would be my size and the way most people I think people react to it. At least form the mind of a 20 year old. I thought they would not accept me and not include me in going out or going into the part for recreation and stuff. I just thought they wouldn't let me be their friend. It was a hard thing for me growing up and at the time, trying to make good and close friends so that is why this made me not go to Disney.

So as you can see my thought pattern in that it follows an algorithm. I look at things that I want to do and the options to get them done, and see if they pass the yes no algorithm. In this case, and in most cases it seems, that it always fails to not doing what I would like to see happen. You should see it when I apply it to relationships. Sometime I get into the algorithm to a fault and I will just go into seeing what should happen if a happen do they react b or c. Well if b well continue, if c stop. Sometimes I get ahead of my self and I start looking at it days, weeks, months, and sometimes even what years of decisions would bring. It is this kind of thinking that gets me in trouble, because I think I see where everything is going to go and most of the time it leads to a bad end in my mind. I think that is because that is where mostly all my relationships have lead to.

At any rate, can I keep applying the algorithm decision making process to my life. Most of the time it has lead to me not doing what I most wished because of this way of making decisions. But the real question is, do I have the fortitude to make decisions with out my decision making process I have leaned on all my life.

2008 Year Review

The past year has been one of weirdness and setbacks. I went from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other. Where to start. I guess the beginning is always a good place.

Well it really starts back in the end of 2007. I came to Andover Village Retirement Center (AVRC) for rehab for my paralysis. I chose here because they have been featured on Discover Health Channel as being equipped for bariatric and I thought since they handle them for rehab and weight loss, that I would get the best rehab chances here. Well things were going good and I even got to being able to get up and stand in the parallel bars for 30 seconds by the time March came. This is also when progress stopped.

I developed nasty wounds on the bottom of my heals and had to stop standing. I developed them from having my feet rest right on the foot pedals with no shoe on because I had an order for no shoes from Hillside when I had the wounds on the back of my ankles. Well, by May I was discharged from therapy because I couldn't stand because of them, and I wasn't making enough progress with the other therapy like the electro shocks and stuff to keep me on.

By June, the wound on my left foot had healed, but my right foot had broken open and had started to tunnel in. It may have done this from the lack of the proper footwear to keep pressure off it, or miss management of the wound by the wound care nurse. At any rate, you could smell the decaying flesh and the whole went all the way to the bone. I ended up in the hospital by the end of July over it. I was on IV antibiotics for it and had to get a gamma scan to see how deep the infection was.

I went back to AVRC, I had a pick line in my arm for the IV that I got three times a day. But it never felt right. It kept hurting from the time I got it in till the third week when it was red and puss and irritated. Here I got a infection in Arm. It was called the super A bug. It is only found in contaminated hospital equipment. It needed 2 IV a day. So I was getting 5 a day for two weeks. Then on top of that, I got to go into the hyperbaric chamber.

Yes, for eight weeks, got to get hauled out of AVRC to go to St Joe's to get put into a tube. Then It was pressurized with oxygen to 3 atmospheres, it was like being 66 feet underwater. It made my ears pop and sometimes gave me a panic attack and have low blood pressure. There were no radios, newspapers, books, video games, nothing was allowed in with you. Because if you create static electricity in a pure oxygen atmosphere and make it spark, it will explode. So all I could do is watch TV. They had one mounted over the tube. I got to watch the stock market crash first, then see a good republican candidate blow it.

Well once my foot was healed and I was out of hyperbarics, it was the second week of November. I got back into therapy with some new goals. One was to have my legs pointing back towards the ceiling. The second was to get me to walk. We'll deal with the second one first.

In order to walk, we were going to install a new plan to put cerebral palsy braces on my knees and ankles and use the hip muscles that were working to swing the legs. This requires a few steps and wounds free feet. Well we may have wait a while for that because I have developed new wounds from goal one.

To get my feet pointing back to the ceiling they got these boots to put on my feet that were made from metal and plastics and padding. Well the pressure on the back of my feet caused me to get two new wounds, one on each posterior heal. So now I have to wait for them to heal in order to start with the braces. Until then they are going to work on crawling on the mat and everything to try to strengthen my hips so I can do it. It sucks.

This has been the year of the wound, and the year of set backs. It is ending though and I reasons to believe that the next year will be better than the last. It has been long and hard, and I hope that the 2009 is better than 2008 and 2007. I am not sure I can take it if it gets any worse. For the up coming year, I hope to lose the catheter, start getting bariatric surgery and be walking come 2010. I hope by this blog next year I'll be able to say, I am home, I'm walking, I'm seeing someone, and life is good. I may have set my goals a little high for what has been my life but we'll see.

well folk. this world is fucked up

Today I was reading the news on what is going on in the world today and have come to the realization that our country fears it citizens and are trying everything to keep us down. They have just passed a law in the house and the senate that would let us pick up any person, who is suspected of being a terrorist, arrests them, detain them with out trial, and execute them with out a trial. The worse thing about this law, it doesn't exclude citizens from this bill. If any one is arrested the can detain you with cause and trial if they feel like it....This, with the home land security bill past in 2002 and the restrictions put on us by the airlines about what you can and cannot bring on the plane.

In major cities now you can’t smoke anywhere in the cities. In New York City, the people who got smoking band from restaurants and 50 feet in front of any public buildings, now they are trying to pass legestration that will outlaw all restaurants to use grease that have trans-fatty acids in it. This is outrageous of them to do this. They are saying that they are right for doing this because they are sighting findings that in the three years that smoking has been banned that the health of the average New Yorker has gotten better. But the thing of it is that smoking can affect everyone because smoke goes everywhere, when you eat though you are the only one who is being harmed. You know that you are eating this food. It is your responsibility to for your own body. You should know that this is what you are eating.

This world is going to hell in a hand basket if shit like this gets enacted in to law. If they keep pushing us around like this in like they better be ready for the people to push back. But you know by me posting this the government can arrest me and through me in jail and be never heard from again…. Great ….

self discovery and a call for help

Why are we nervous around certain people? Why is it we are sometime anxious when we tell a person that we want to go out with them or like them? We are all just people. In the end we are just people.

I have been dealing with this issue for a while with being able to show my true feelings towards people. I put on an outward act to hide the real person inside of me. Recently I was talking to this nice girl whom I work with and was going along nice and I found her interesting. I want to ask her for her number and see if she wanted to hang out but I wasn’t able to. Some how, when came to do that, I failed.

When I look back on it, I was afraid. Afraid of rejection is what I told my self, but that wasn’t it. I believe it was fear that she would say yes. That I what I believe I was really afraid of. Afraid of letting someone in to my life and change it irrevocably. That I my biggest fear in that situation because most of my one on one encounters in life are that of an arms length biases. I joke, I kid, I make of handed comments and use a lot of sarcasm, but rarely I let my self be exposed to anyone. I put on a thick skin. I think this is because of my past life experiences.

Now that I am able to see what the problem is how am I going to over come it. That is the big problem. How do you fix something that is broke when the thing that is broke is will power fear and confidence? How do you let your self be exposed when you spend most of your time keeping that part of you; that deep part way down inside; from the world. Can you put fear and apprehension aside and jump in to the deep end of the emotional pool, or start in the kiddies’ end and work your way in? Also, how do you start in the kiddies’ end? These are all questions I am pondering.

Please help

A respons to a blog of a friend of mine (expounded)

This was in to responce of a friends blog who was questioning the existance of god and who is going through some tough time. find it here ( has since been deleted )



Because, God as we call it, was developed by man. In My opinion. I look at the whole God situation as a development of the human mind made out our deep spring and feeling of hope. We want to god to be there because we want to feel safe. With knowing that there is a big man in the sky that will watch over you and protect you from harm is an illogical assumption that we all make. It is proven by the saying that god loves us all. But if that is true then why does he let there be famine and illness and cancer and such. If there was a god that loved us and wanted us to be happy then why where there such things as the holocaust and 9/11. If god loved us then he would protect us from that wouldn't he. But then the believers say, "Oh, that's just God's will." So it is God's Will to kill us and maim us and send massive amount of people to their deaths for his sheer enjoyment. They say it is to make a challenge for us to over come. Bull. Things happen for no other reason that things happen. If I were to get in my car right now and get into an accident. It isn't Gods will that it happened. It just happens.

I would also like to add a few other views on people who are religion pushers. These people are the people who you meet in life (and you know who they are) who want to push there beliefs and views on to you. These people can mainly be found on college campuses and other mass gatherings of people. I have thought about what to say about these people for a long time and have finally come up with the most logical comparison. They are like drug dealers.

Now I know that you are thinking that I am out of my mind but think about what a drug dealer does. He is always pressuring you in to trying it just once claiming that you will like it and that. When you try to tell them how drugs will hurt you (or try to tell them your interpolation of the bible or views on religion and spirituality) you are always wrong and try to talk over or louder thinking that will give them the edge in the conversation or just stop talking to you all together. Then they get you with the peer pressure. They tell you about how others are doing it and how they have found "a higher spiritual plane of enlightenment."

The one thing they have over the drug dealer is that if you get caught doing drugs you can go to jail or fined, if you do have religion or go to church than you are going to go to hell. I love it. They want to say that their god is all powerful and loving but you need to worship him or you'll be punished. It sounds like someone with a self centered egomaniac complex. Is their god really that conceited that he would do that?

Now he is the 64000 dollar question. If he is the almighty god and is the one and only god, they what about other religions, are their gods any less mighty or any less benevolent. I mean come on, if there is an afterlife do you think that someone is going to a different god or a different plane of existence, or according to some pushers, they burn in hell. So you god is so hateful that he would put some one in hell for being brain washed at birth like your followers are here, and unable to form an independent thought outside of religion or lack the mental fortitude to question it, they cast them right in the pit of fire. That is kind of ignorant to think guys. Its the kind of things that start wars.......

I say that we know nothing about what happens next and we should all just chill the fuck out. So I will leave you with this. Believe in what you want to believe. Just remember it is what you feel in your heart and the ideas in your head about your life that are going to shape and guild you in all your event and endeavors in this world.

Some good news

Well Folks, It is Friday and it’s 1131pm est. And I am on here. Well not all of us can have lives. But things are looking up. Today was very busy.



First I have to give you a back story. On the 5th I had an interview with a company called Edgepark Surgical. It was about a 90 minute interview and went very good but I thought that they would never call me back because of my lack of experience.



I got a call from them on Wednesday and today I went to a follow up interview that went pretty good too. They said they will let me know. Well later on I had an interview with a company called West Technologies. They are kind of like the place I worked at before, High call volume low pay.



So I am going to work at West for now. I hope that Edgepark Surgical calls because It seems to be a better job and a place where I can get things back to normal and get on track.



It has been a long struggle this past month and a half. I moved from Columbus to Cleveland and live with my aunt and had to go back home to Youngtown to get a job. Life is strange. When you think that everything is going great and you just start to relax if throws you a curve ball. It keeps you on your game.



I wonder what it will throw at me next.

Now in Cleveland

Well folks, I have moved to Cleveland and everything is going fine. I got moved in and now on the Job hunt. I hope that I will be able to find something up here doing some kind of tech support. I have been having hard time trying to find my stuff from the move. Oh well.

I will give you guys more updates as they come.

My Birthday Thoughts

Well Folks I has been another year. I am another year older, another year wiser. I feel the same as I did yesterday but I sit and I reflect back on what I can add to my life experience.



1.) People are assholes. On every level. I have found in the Tech support field is that the more degrees and titles some one achieves in life the dumber they become when it comes to simple things and problem solving. I have talked too on numerous occasion that Doctors, Lawyers and other professionals have no clue on to what a computer is or how to follow basic instructions to help them.



2.) Living on my own is a bitch. I have gone from having some money and having nothing in days from my fucking truck breaking down.



3.) Some People can't take a joke. You people know who you are. Get over your self. Nobody likes a party pooper. You are all out of your minds. Comeback to earth.



4.) The older I get the more alcohol I can consume. Nuff said.



5.) The older, the more I come to realization that Life is short and I need to get on track. We all need to change our own lives to the way that we want it. And I have heard a great quote from a man who lived 100 years ago. "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910). We all need to keep this in mind when we start to bitch about the world.



There are some other things that I have thought of but these are the big five. Let me know what you think.

My life in Columbus as of 4-25-2006

Well as some of you know I am a big Tribe fan and trying to write this between innings. It is an old match up between Cleveland and Boston. They have played each other over a thousand times. It goes back to 1897.



As you all know I currently work at Nationwide Insurance doing IT support. It has been part-time for now. I had a great interview at a place called Cardinal Health. I am hoping to get in there because one of my best friends here in C-bus works there. I hope he puts a good word in for me but I don't think I need it because I usually give a great interview. I am going to find out tomorrow.



For money I have been trying my hand at selling stuff at flea markets for my mom. I have been setting up shop at the one on west broad street right before 270. I am selling ribbon and scrap booking supplies. I feel kind of gay but I need the money. I am also trying to get my own vendors license so I can sell advertising on my webpage www.reasontodie.com.



Life has pretty much sucked though for the last four months since I got fired from Calltech. You all know that story. I am counting down the months until the lease is up here and I can move out and up to Cleveland, the city that I love. I can't wait to go there. I have family up there. I am closer to home. My two favorite teams are in Cleveland, The Browns and the Indians. Plus my long time friend Matt Wilkes. We go way back all the way to sixth grade. I hope maybe I can get a job up there for like National City, or medical mutual tech support because everyone has computer problems. When I first move up there I am going to be staying with my Aunt Brenda for a while.



But that is a few months away.

Star Wars

I am one of the biggest Star Wars Fans in the world. But please George, give it a rest. You have totally fucked up the series from all of your bad plot lines and changing the entire premise of the story.

Here is a list of how Lucas has Fucked up:

1.) The force went from Spiritual to a Medical condition. Yes, midichlorians. Good fucking job. You ruin the force as a part of the spiritual realm by giving it a scientific and medical explanation. Good Job.

2.) Darth Vader and Misses Robinson. Did any body get that Anakin was ten years younger than Padame in the first episode and then ten years later they are the same age.

3.) Piss Poor Story telling. Episode One should of had introduced Anakin as a teenager and they should have started the clone wars in the first episode. Episode 2 should have been all clone wars and the development of Anakin and the introduction of Padame. Also, this is were they should have showed him starting to turn, which he did do with the Sand People, but could have done better say he destroy an entire planet to smash the separatist from the order of the Palpatine. Then he would be removed from major conflict to learn under Palpatine and make the turn more dramatic. Which leads to number 4.

4.) Anakin's decent to the dark side was way too fast. So all it takes to turn some one to the dark side is to make him think that his wife is going to die and get him to kill the head Jedi in a moment of weakness. As I said above, they should have made Anakin start to turn way earlier in the series so when it comes to the time for his final act to push him over the edge it is more believe able. To turn him over the edge I would have had him come up from behind Mace and stab him through the heart instead of yelling and chopping off his hand. It would have been a colder and darker moment. Then Have him accept what he did and make him realize that he has embraced the dark side instead of making him cry like a bitch.

5.) Finally the worst thing I think Lucas did was make Jar Jar Binks. At this point in this post it is purely superficial, but who else wished he would have been ran over and killing when he appeared in the episode 1. I for one did. Even worse is that George stung his ass along and made him responsible for the clone wars starting. With his famous opening My Dellow Felegates.

Perhaps I am just babbling on here but I needed to get this off of my chest when I heard that the TV show was actually going to happen. I pray to Yoda himself that George doesn't write a word in this series and that it stays on track with episode 4.

Now Discuss.......

2 am

Well Guys it is 2 A.M and I have to be up in four hours for work. Well I guess I am not going to get any sleep tonight. The only thing worth watching is Mel Brook's History of the World Vol1. I don't mean that in a bad way, but I have seen it about 30 times and can almost recite it from memory.

Any ways I hate being up so late knowing that I have to go to work tomarrow. I guess this is what I get for being sick. I have gotten past the up chucking but still have linguring effects. I wish everything would return to normal.

Tomarrow is going to be a hell of a day. I have to work from 9-1 and then go to time warner for an inter view at 230. I am going to be dog tired come the end of the day.

On a lighter note, I hope to buy a dog soon. Mans best friend. It is pretty lonely in my apartment and it would be great to get a dog. I am thinking about getting someting like a sheppard or something along those lines. It will be great.

remember to check out my web site www.reasontodie.com.

Doing good

Well guys I got a new job through TEKsystems with a great company called Nationwide IT tech support. For all of you Calltechers who are still working for them, I suggest to you to call TEKsystems and try to get your self out of Calltech because for all the responsibilities that you have there you would all be getting paid 3-4 times more that what you are now. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN. I will say this to you all.

That is all I have to say for now


Later

visit my forums at reasontodie.com

Job searching

Life is a weird place. No one values hands on skill.


I recently had an interview with a staffing company for an IT consultant/ analyst position. The interview was going good. We where having a great conversation about what I have done and where I have worked. It was one of the best interviews I have ever gone through.


At about the end of the interview he said that I need to take a test on Windows 2000 and Windows XP, Operating Systems. I was a little taken aback. A surprise test. I was like okay lets do it, not to show a reservations about it. He said that there is a curve. Just take you time and let me know when you are done.


I went to go take this test. It found it to rather frustrating at times with its all of the above answers. I knew the correct answer of what works all the time on the commands but didn’t know the back up answers. Let me give you an example.


One question was "How do you bring up task manager.”The answers where 1) CTRL+ALT+ DELETE 2)CTRL+SHIFT+ESCAPE 3)A way through control panel 4)
All of the above.


I answered 1, because of two reasons. I wasn’t sure of 3 because I have never had to go through that way, and I know that 1 will always get you to where you need to be for if.


I got the question wrong


There were many of these questions. When it was all said and done I got a 36% of XP and 56% on 2000. They were both 10% under the average. I was like It was just a test and I nailed the advanced portions on the test. The interviewer said yes but the people he was going to give my application to wanted intermediate level employees.


So now I talk to my friends who he got jobs for all had lower scores that I had. Now I am not sure why the recruiter said that to me. If this was actual requirement then how did my friends get jobs the place he was recruiting for? So I am snubbed again.


When will the world get off of their test = performance rationale. This is one of things that I think are holding us back in today’s society.

lifes questions

We’ll folks it’s Christmas time again and it is my third here in Columbus. It has been along road down here, meet with success and failure. I have gone to my favorite school Ohio State and now I can’t go back until I pay them 1200 bucks. I got, what I thought was going to be a good job, that has turned out to be a hassle at times. But other than that things have been, for lack of a better term, middle of the road.

As the year comes to an end I have a few questions about my future.

1.) When are you going to be done with school? Well, until I pay off OSU, I am done for now. I hope to be able to go back to OSU or transfer to CSCC.
2.) Are you going to try to get a better job? That is a more difficult question to answer. I applied for SOD at Calltech but got a letter saying I had too many points. After I got that straighten out, they put my name back in the pool for SOD but I am not holding my breath. I have also applied with a few other places but the best prospect is opening my own business.
3.) What about a girlfriend? (This is the biggest question my parents have.) Well I am taking it slow right now. I work the third shift right now so it makes it hard to go out. Also I am financially strapped. This means I am broke. I hope that this will turn around soon but only time will tell.
4.) What about your weight? Ok. Everyone knows I am a big guy which is probably part of the problem with question number three. I am going to be making some hard strides starting at the first of the year.

Well folks these are the only question that really stick out to right now. I hope to answer more soon.

Stop it all. Please

Outsourcing. Definition: the practice of subcontracting manufacturing work to outside and especially foreign or nonunion companies. This is according to Merriam Webster online dictionary (www.m-w.com). This is a big problem facing this world today. Trust me I would know, I work in tech support. I have to live in the fear that some one over seas is going to be taking my job because it is "economical". Yes folks I and millions like me have been written of as not being "economical" for companies. They are willing to take the jobs of people like me and ship them to places like Malaysia and Indian, and give them to people who work for less.

Now, I am not blaming the people in India who are looking for a job and will work for less that some one in the states does. I blame the super huge conglomerate companies who have gotten so big that they can just write peoples livelihoods off as "good business." These businesses say that they help out the world economy and try to show that they are helping homeless and jobless in India to try to say, "Hey, Look what good we have done." When in realality they made that many skilled people here in America, where they pedal their goods and services, out of a job and soon to be out on the streets.

Some of these people will say that the labor market in these far off destinations are cheaper and saves money for them. Since there is no tariff on this service it is more economical to have some one around the world try to explain how to fix the computers, internet, what have you. They work for about a considerable of a percentage less than that of people here in the US make. These people are able to do this because of the three big reasons. One there are many people and few jobs and people are poverty stricken. Two because of the job make being so small people are will in to more for less. Finally, the cost of living.

The first reason is because of the poverty that has infected the population of these country and they can be pinpointed to many different reasons from over population and lack of reproduction controls, to the miss management of government infrastructure or bad social policies. With over population issues in most of the out sourcing companies, this is one of the contributing factors. With so many people there is a need for work. The immense size of the population has put a heavy strain on the economy. They need to take any job that comes along. An issue with overpopulation is that f a lack of education. So when companies come over here they first try to hire those who have an education, weather they got in Indian of were students in the good old USA. After that they start taking people who can learn the best. The next step is letting them select an American name like Jack, Bob, or Susan. Then they try to teach them English and how to get rid of there accent.

The second reason is of a direct lack of jobs in these countries. Not many jobs exist. Many are temporary and hard work. Getting a job in a call center would have to a near miriceal for there families. An equivalent would be someone who was homeless one day and the next was offered a job, money and roof over there head. So when some one gets this job they are willing to work for less because they know the importance of it. It is a matter of living on the street or in a room.

The third reason is that of the cost of living. Yes, this has more to do with it than people think. In these countries the cost of living is far less than here in the US. Where some one here would scrape by at 12-15 bucks an hours; in these other countries it takes about 2-3 dollars per hours. As any one can see that is a great business move. In return for this great economic boom for these foreign countries, there are an equal amount of problems made here in our country.

One is that homeless people that the company says they are helping and that we hear so much about are being replaced by someone in this country. Yes, people with college degrees are having there jobs yanked away in the name of economic sense and told sorry, have to save money. These people are now in a spot of trying to look for another job in their field only to find that most of the jobs in their field are gone, and the ones still left here in the states are not hiring and are in the process of moving their jobs as well. This outsourcing has created social and economical problems. Our government, I feel has done little for the American worker in the past 6 years except make it easier for businesses to grow and rape the economy.

The standard of living here in America never decreases, it is always getting bigger. It is being backed by the corporate monsters that are taking the jobs away from the worker. They go over seas to save money, but the price of there products never seem to go down though. Who is winning in these businesses that are hurting us? It is presidents and CEOs that are making out. These are the same people who feel that making 10 million a year is not enough and that they need to have private jets and retirement plans that could feed a small country in Africa for years. I find this shocking and appalling when people are making 100-200 million a year feel the need to lay off thousands to make sure there is enough in the budget to give him a raise this year. It is this corporate greed that is driving this country in to an economic ruin. The government doesn’t help the situation either.

The government is as much to blame as these corporate devils. With treaties like NAFTA and participating in the WTO and eliminating tariffs for these things, it has paved the way for these companies to bail on the America people and go over seas. Even the president is guilty of this. In a number of speeches, most notably in his State of the Union speech, where he states that that these jobs are going over there, and that there is going to be newer high tech jobs here in the future. Well my president the future is now and there are no new high tech jobs here in Columbus Ohio. Ohio has lost 1.2 million jobs since you took office and we have yet to see any increase in employment. Where are these new high tech jobs at?

They are more than likely not going to come here. They are more likely to go directly over seas and start out there and total by pass America in the name of Economic well being for the company. I put it to you government. Prove me wrong, help out the American work, restore our faith in hopes that you will still do your duty and save our jobs and correct thing at home first before worrying about the rest of the world.